Destroying Destiny
by hollowminds
Summary: What if they could see their future? What if they knew what was going to happen, but were enable to explain it? What if they couldn't understand it? (Set in the middle of Frostbite, right after Janine tells Rose about Tasha's offer. Lissa and Adrian discovered a new power of spirit, the one who can bring your soul out, your future soul.)
1. I've lived to bury my dreams

**Don't own anything. RM does.**

I just kept sitting there and thinking. Thinking and imagining.

I spent the rest of the day doing little more than that. I skipped dinner. I shed a few tears. But mostly, I just sat on my bed thinking and growing more and more depressed. I also discovered that the only thing worse than imagining Dimitri and Tasha together was remembering when he and I had been together. He would never touch me again like that, never kiss me again...

This was the worst Christmas ever.

I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned in my bed until I decide there was no use of even trying. I was, actually, painfully aware that I was acting childish, feeling childish, and that Dimitri had a lot of good reasons to accept Tasha's offer. Something I couldn't give to him. A child. Mature woman. Relationship without consequences.

But I couldn't help but feel devastated and angry, mostly at myself. I was stupid enough to actually believe we could make this work one day, that there's a chance for us. And when I realized that I had been fighting while he'd already give up on us, that fact broke me.

Couple more weeks and he'll be leaving, to a better place, with a better woman. I never even deserved a man like him. I closed my eyes. Some of images returned to me, but they were so misty, so far away, and then they quickly disappeared. I made a terrible mistake. I told him everything I felt, well, most of it anyway. I opened my heart. I gave my heart to him to evaluate it, although it was priceless. And now…

There was so, so much I couldn't give to him, so much he mourned for. I realized there's only one thing I could. I prayed. It wasn't actually a Rose Hathaway style, but for once I decided to fully believe that there's something up there. And what was most surprising, I wasn't praying for myself. I just wanted Dimitri to be happy. To get what he wants the most, because he deserves it. To have everything I didn't know how to give to him, to find it with Tasha.

I wished him love that shatters Earths, love that conquers all, and the one that lasts forever.

Tears were leaking from my eyes the whole time, but I wasn't really aware of them until I heard a knock on the door and tried to erase all of the leftovers of my breakdown.

"Liss?" I opened the door so she could come in, but she stayed on the spot, just looking at me. "What's going on? Is something wrong?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" She was confused, I could sense that. She knew I wasn't alright. She always knew. "Have you been crying?" She said the word _crying _like it was something unnatural, something sick. Something that couldn't be connected to me.

Swallowing back further tears, I turned away from her, and whispered "I don't wanna talk about it. Not right now."

She was going to push me to open up, but stayed silent. There was something else on her mind, I realized, something she believed could get my mind off whatever I was sad about.

"Okay, so… I found another spirit user."

Wow.

"How? When? How…"

"Well. He actually found me. Called me few weeks ago. And I know-" she interrupted me when I opened my mouth when I started to say something. "I should've told you. But… I wanted it to be a surprise. Christmas one."

So she_ was_ hiding something from me, all this time. Or I was just so concentrated on myself I didn't realized something was going on with her. I was a terrible almost-guardian these last few weeks. And it is going to have to change, starting right now.

"Who is it?"

She looked sheepish. "Adrian Ivashkov."

"Adrian Ivashkov." I repeated. The Ivashkovs were a royal family, one of the wealthiest and most powerful. They were the kind of people who thought they could get anything they wanted and walked over those in their way. And Adrian was… arrogant, selfish, egocentric, wild and disrespectful son of a bitch. Young and handsome, yes. But also a trouble, a big one for that matter.

"Care to elaborate?"

"It's a long story. But he's here! And he and I have been practicing something."

"Practicing something like how to act like a god and get everything you want, or something like how to drink a whole bar and then compel everyone in it to attend your royal orgies?"

"None of that." She said in a sing-song voice. But then she became serious. "He's more than that, Rose, you'll see."

"I believe you." I was suddenly becoming curious. "What then?"

"Come with me, we'll show you."

I decided, learning something new about spirit couldn't hurt, so I followed her to the parlor in the Academy's guest quarters where we have been earlier today.

Tasha and Dimitri were still there. My heart started to go wild, and I believe I was just a few second away from hyperventilating. So I made myself look around the room to find everybody from earlier here. My mother was in the corner, with the phone in her arms, vividly explaining something. Mason sat on the couch, looking like he was about to fall back to sleep again. It was really, really late, I realized, and half of them were already asleep when Lissa decided to bring them back here again.

Eddie was here to, standing next to Christian and looking impassive.

And there was somebody else.

His presence was intoxicating. He looked like he's been a few years older than me, and was a little shorter than Dimitri, but he also had a nice, muscular body, unlike most Moroi. He had brown hair that looked like it had been purposely styled to appear messy and his eyes were… They were boring right into mine, a deep emerald green. I opened my mouth but closed them when he slid towards me.

"My, my. Nice to finally meet you, Rose Hathaway." He extended a hand to me that I hesitantly took.

"And you must be Ivashkov." I said, trying not to be effected with his extremely close presence.

"One of a kind." He was still holding my hand and I took a sharp breath when he turned it around and pressed a small kiss on the inside of my wrist. He was still watching me directly in the eyes and I wanted to turn away, I so did, but I felt like my muscles became liquid. And then I felt his canine lightly pressed my skin, right above the vein. My breath hitched.

"Why _are_ we here in the middle of the night, then?"

My mother's sharp voice broke whatever the spell this guy was holding on me, and I quickly pulled my hand out of his grasp.

He was so arrogant he actually laughed. He had a nice laugh, rich and almost melodious. Dangerous. I refused not to blush when I realized everybody had witnessed our little exchange. So I turned back to Lissa.

"Yeah, why are we here again?"

I could feel excitement coming from a bond.

"Well, do you believe in destiny?"

The question took me off guard and I opened my mouth, but Christian answered instead of me.

"Destiny is just a people's excuse for their own failure."

I heard a note of annoyance in his voice.

"I believe in what people could do for themselves." Tasha said. I try to dismiss a heartbreaking feeling I got when I heard her voice, but the urge to be different from here was to strong.

"I believe." I said. Which was idiotic because I certainly did not.

"Great." Adrian nodded. "I want you everybody to sit down, couch, floor…" He looked at me. "I would offer my bed, but my room is down the hallway. We'll get back to that later."

I rolled my eyes and took a seat on the floor next to Mason's legs.

Lissa closed the door and stood next to Adrian.

"The thing is we believe we can make you see your own future."

"See our future?" Dimitri repeated.

Don't. Think. About. Him.

"Yeah." Lissa answered and Adrian explained.

"Well, not exactly see it, more hear it. And not exactly future, more what your soul from the future has to say."

It sounded… no.

Mason smiled. "I believe this is most interesting thing that is going to happen to me in my whole life."

Still… no.

Everybody started to talk immediately, most of them excited. Lissa was happy, too. She really wanted to see what future holds. And she was happy because everybody accepted their idea open-minded. To her, it meant they accepted spirit.

"Liss." I looked at her. "Don't you think that too much of a spirit use?"

"Well, it is much, but there are two of us." She nodded toward Adrian. "We'll combine our magic. Plus, I really want to do this."

Those pleading eyes.

"Please, Rose."

Dammit.

"Fine. But I still don't think that's, like, possible." I admitted.

"Let's do this!" Tasha clasped her hands.

Adrian was all business now. "Okay, gang, who wants to go first?"

Mason straightened in his seat. "Bring it on, Ivashkov."

Adrian turned towards Lissa and she nodded. Here comes nothing.

The silence was creeping into the room. Everybody looked tense. I could feel Lissa's magic, colors and beautiful toughs filled my mind. She was concentrating so much on this. Still, nothing happened, like I predicted.

My mother stated the obvious.

"I believe this isn't going to work." She started to get up. "I'm sorry, Princess, Lord Ivashkov, but I believe we could all use a rest."

"No!" Lissa yelled. She was desperate. Masen, on the other hand, looked plainly disappointed. "Please. I don't know why it doesn't work. We'll try again. Just… We'll try on Rose, maybe our bond will help."

I didn't think it was going to happen, but… Wait.

"Try on Rose?" I squeaked.

Adrian winked.

Christ.

My mother sat down and exchanged a look with Dimitri. They both thought this was a childish way of wasting precious time. I, for a change, agreed.

"Fine. Just be quick." I exhaled.

They concentrated again, and I could feel magic again. I was a little scared, not because I was going to see my future, because I wasn't, but because Lissa was using too much magic. It wasn't going to end well.

And then I saw nothing.

Not the light, not the blackness, nothing. It was hard to explain.

It was like I was there and, in the same time, I wasn't.

And I heard voices. They were far, far away, but progressively becoming louder and louder. I tried to move away from them but failed miserably. It felt like I didn't have a body.

I started to recognize words and sentences, but voices were strange. They all sounded familiar, but I couldn't say who was speaking. Like they were mutant voices of my friends and family, and my own.

But what was scaring me the most were things they were saying.

_What happens between him and me is none of your business!_

_No. __I_ _told her no._

_You will destroy that which is undead._

_Besides, they come first, right?_

_Not always._

_You're strong—you're so, so strong. It's why I love you._

_You and me are going to have so much fun, Rose. _

_Why didn't you tell me?!_

_I've lived my life for you. I've trained to be your shadow, but you know what? I want to come first._

_Just because I like you, it doesn't mean I still don't think you're an evil creature of the night. You are._

_No one made you keep drinking it._

_I thought you were on your way back to Montana._

_You forgot my first lesson: Don't hesitate._

_Because I want you._

_Wrong answer._

_Life, unfortunately, doesn't seem to care what we want. _

_Don't be sorry you loved him. That's part of you, part you have to let go._

_I'm backing down now. I really do love you. That's why I'm doing this_.

_Yeah, that's exactly what I want. To help my girlfriend get her old boyfriend back._

_I've given up on you. Love fades, mine has._

_You did what you did out of love. I can't be mad at you over that. It was stupid, but that's how love is. _

_Do you have any idea what I'd do for you? To keep you safe?_

They were becoming faster and faster, louder and louder, mixing, suffocating me, and I couldn't take it anymore.

_You love him more__ than me!_

_You love her more_ _than me!_

I screamed.

Tears were running down my face. I was distantly aware Lissa and Adrian stopped with the spell. I wasn't sitting on the floor anymore. I was standing and shaking. Lissa ran towards me and pulled me into a hug.

"Oh, my god." I whispered. My voice sounded broken.

I heard mumbling of people around me. I looked up and met Dimitri's eyes over the Lissa's shoulder. He was watching me with such intensity, such pain and fear, I almost started crying again.

It was all too much for me.

"You okay, Little Dhampir?" Adrian asked.

I nodded.

I lied and shut my eyes tightly.

_You love him more than me. You love her more than me._


	2. Be that as it may

**Don't own anything. RM does.**

I feel like one of Pavlov's dogs.

Honesty, it seemed like I was stuck in a lab with crazy scientists after I performed a task which resulted things they haven't expected. One of them was incredibly dedicated towards her work and kept watching me with her usual cool professionalism. Other woman stared at me in surprise, her features open and confused, beautiful, even with the scars on her pale skin. Three of them looked just plainly startled, with some sort of mix between admiring and fear in their eyes. Then, there was one of them, who smiled and wore a look of pure satisfaction. Stupid royal pain in the… Yeah. And Dimitri. Who didn't look like a crazy scientist at all. He was scared. And I could go all I-don't-know-why-he-cared, but the truth is, I knew. He still cared about me. Apparently, that _caring_ just wasn't enough in our case.

And one of them almost started crying. Again.

"Lissa, don't go there, I'm fine."

"But Rose…"

"You don't have to cry."

"But Rose…"

"Why don't we all sit down and talk about it, hm?" I pulled her on the couch next to Mason, and I sat on the floor again. We thought in silence a few minutes, then somebody had to ask the obvious question. It was Eddie.

"What the hell was that?"

"I believe that was Rose's soul." Adrian replied.

"Well, it didn't sound like Rose's soul. It sounded like hell broke loose and all of the demons possessed her." Mason said.

"I didn't know it's going to be so scary. I didn't know it, you have to believe me." Lissa cried, tears still running down her cheeks.

"It wouldn't be scary if her future wasn't so, well, scary." Adrian stated.

"You guys heard all of it?" I asked. I didn't know if they heard everything I did. But if it's true, together we could figure it all out. Maybe.

"We did." My mom shrugged. "Unfortunately, it was so confusing."

"Yeah, Rose, people would think your soul is a little simpler than that." Mason cut-in.

I looked at him and scowled. Nothing was ever simple with me.

"So, what was the first thing you heard?" Tasha asked and judging by the look she gave me just then, she was really interested. Friendly, nice and like she really cared. After all this mess I didn't have it in me to stare at her like I want to break her neck. I just answered her the best I could.

"Something about destroying the undead."

"Well that's a good thing, Little Dhampir." Adrian said. "You will do your job, good for you."

"See?" Lissa was excited again. I couldn't follow her mood swings. "You'll going to graduate and protect me!" She smiled.

"I guess so." I was still a little skeptical about that. Explanation sounded too simple.

"It wasn't the first thing." Dimitri said suddenly. I raised my head to look at him. He was deadly serious, like most of the time, but wore a hunted look at the same time. "It was _What happens between me and him is none of your business_."

"Cheers for a good memory, Comrade." I said after a second of surprise passed. He didn't even acknowledge me.

"Oh, we are entering the dangerous area of Rose's love life." Christian whistled. I realized that was the first thing he said after a while.

I felt Lissa's confusion. She still believed I didn't have a love life. And I planned to keep that charade.

"And we are not, I repeat, not going in there." I said.

"Aw, but why not?" Adrian actually looked disappointed. "I was so happy about it. Your face when you realize you'll find your soul mate in shape of a beautiful, most intoxicating and most loveable Moroi, with a great hair and inspirable sense of humor."

"Adrian, you are not my soul mate."

"Not yet, no." He smirked. I satisfied with rolling my eyes, but then sobered a little.

"_No. I told her no._" I started.

"I remember that." My mother said. "And it was a male voice saying it, I believe."

"It's a little hard to determinate the sex of the voice." Tasha leaned in her chair. "It was so confusing."

"True that." Eddie was looking puzzled.

"But who said no to her?" Mason asked. "And who is her?"

"I don't know." I put my head in my hands. I had a faint idea what this one was about, but it sounded impossible, even for my ears. There was only one open offer going on right now, only one person who could say no to somebody who's waiting for their response. I met Dimitri's eyes, just for a moment, a moment enough to see him nod quickly. I looked away, trying to compress the warm and happy emotions springing up inside of me. Maybe I was imagining thing. Most definitely I was.

"_They come first_. I heard that too." I tried to change the subject.

"_Not always._" Lissa's voice was quiet.

"Yes, always." Janine sounded like that's final. "I don't even know who said something so… stupid."

"You tell me." I murmured.

"So, from what we have concluded till now, you'll graduate, become Lissa's guardian, have a little love drama, say no to somebody, or somebody will say no to you, and question your role in modern royal society." Christian said looking at me.

I frowned. My interpretation was a little different. I'll graduate, become Lissa's guardian, yes, have a big love drama, Dimitri will say no to Tasha and then, when we're both Lissa's guardians, I'll become utterly depressed because we could never be together. But I couldn't say that.

"When we are at questioning Rose's role," Tasha started, "there was this sentence, something about _I have lived my life for you, but I want to came first_."

_I've lived my life for you. I've trained to be your shadow, but you know what? I want to come first._

"Maybe I'll have a mental brake-down." I said.

"You won't. It's not going to happen to you." Dimitri said slowly. The air became heavy. No time for this now, not when everybody is here. I suppressed my irrational wish to jump into his arms and stay there forever.

"_You are strong, so strong. That's why I love you_." Mason whispered.

I looked at him. Something in his voice told me he wasn't talking about future. He loved me now. Or at least, he believed he loved me.

Still, loving me _because_ I was strong… not something I could connect to Mason. I had a feeling he's more I-love-you-because-I-can-protect-you type of person. I sighed.

"And there was something along the lines _We are going to have so much fun_." Christian chipped. "Sounds like something I would say. Like, _You and me are going to have so much fun, Rose. Picking out curtains, doing each other's hair, telling ghost stories_…"

"It sounds like a threat." I mumbled. He smiled showing his teeth.

"But that quote really is Christian." Lissa was smiling too.

"That threat really is Christian." I corrected her. That caused a few laughers around the room.

"What I really want to know is, why somebody would tell you to go back to Montana." Janine's voice was firm. "Is there a reason for you not to be in Montana?"

She looked like there's going to be a long lecture mother to daughter.

"Hey! I haven't even done anything wrong. I'm still here, aren't I?" I started defending myself. "You can't be angry at me!"

"Not yet." She murmured.

"If you ever go on sudden vacation, take me with you. Please." Mason gave me a puppy look, and I could help myself but promising me to take him with me when I decide to travel the world.

The atmosphere became lighter, and what Tasha said next made me wanna hug her. Not really, but I felt like she saved me.

"Why don't we continue this discussion in the morning? It's really late, we are all more than tired, plus it's Christmas and we are making it all dark and grim."

Everybody agreed, so we departed towards our rooms. Adrian was following me across the courtyard.

The sun was high on the sky. I looked at him questioningly.

"Why again are you here?"

"Well," he took a smoke of his cigarette. I had an incredible urge to tell him the smoking isn't allowed here, but I stopped myself. It's not my school. "I heard that my dearest cousin was a spirit user…"

"No, I mean, why are you here _now_? Aren't you staying back there, in the guest wing?"

"Oh that!" Another drag of cigarette. My fingers were starting to itch. "I thought we are going to bond. You know, in your room." He winked.

"We certainly are not going to bond." A said the word like it had plague.

"Too bad. I feel the connection, you know. The sooner we start acting upon it, the sooner we'll find our release."

I wanted to gag, but I suddenly turned around and stopped, which caused him to bump right into me. I discarded the strange felling his well-shaped body caused when pressing into mine. I put on my seductive, man-eating smile; one I hadn't use in a while. At the same I put a hand on his arm, lightly pressing my nails into his biceps.

"I must have been mistaken then. I always believed that the longer we repress the desire, the more effective the outcome will be."

He started to say something, that same desire clearly visible in his eyes.

But then I hear somebody clearing their throat.

I turned around and saw Dimitri standing really close and looking at us darkly.

"Rose," he said, "can I talk to you?"

I was blushing and was aware of that. I had to remind myself that I had every right to talk to Adrian. And touch Adrian. And maybe, maybe even want to kiss him. Maybe. Don't get me wrong, I loved Dimitri, but I was attracted to Adrian. Who wouldn't be? Not that anybody is going to find that out. Ever.

I turned toward Dimitri, with a short nod towards Adrian, and he started walking until we were under the shadow of the building. The place was empty, in was a middle of the night in Moroi world.

Dimitri's voice snapped my attention back to him. "That is Adrian Ivashkov." He said the name the same way everyone else did.

I frowned. "I know."

"You were talking to him."

I looked at him like he was crazy. "I know." I said really slowly.

"Alone. And if it becomes a habit, you are aware it's going to cause people to start talking."

"I am completely aware of that." I crossed my arms over my chest. "Unfortunately, I don't really give a damn."

"Rose…"

"When were you going to tell me about Tasha's offer?" I asked suddenly.

"Where did you even hear that?"

"I have my sources. And that's irrelevant right now. The point is," I took a step closer, "that I liked her. I really did. She is one of those people who could always lighten a mood. And she's brave. But I can't like her anymore."

"Look, Rose. Tasha knows me. She's been my friend for ages now. And I…"

"You like her too, I get it. And if you are really planning to say her no… Well, I think you should accept it."

He looked utterly surprised. I was surprised too. I really meant what I said.

"Don't give me that look, Comrade. I'm not crazy. I just thought about it a lot. She could give you a baby. She could make you happy." I took a step back, trying to make my voice even, without all the emotions I was feeling inside. "Something I could never do."

I turned around but Dimitri caught my arm and held me in place.

"Why would you say that?" He looked somewhere between confused and frustrated.

I took a deep breath and looked at the trees. The treetops were breathing life. Somewhere far away a cuckoo was singing.

"Because my life is a constant game, eternal falling." I ripped my hand from his grip. "Because when I count all of the defeats, there's nothing left anymore. I live for others. I live, even if I am supposed to be dead, to pay off that same life I got."

I think it was the most profound thing I've ever said.

"Because," I looked into his eyes, "you are allowed to love Tasha. And you'll never going to be allowed to love me."

"Don't ever say that, Rose. I am allowed to love whoever I want." He spoke slowly but angry. I took another step back.

To love… It was such a strong word.

"Maybe. And right now you are trying to love Tasha. So continue with it." This time he let me turn around. I made maybe two steps before he spoke again.

"Don't let Adrian get closer to you."

"What happens between him and me is none of your business." I said coolly, before I realized that the words are very familiar. I froze. I felt his rigid body behind me, too. Then I looked at him again. This time my voice wasn't unemotional or cold. I was suddenly so scared.

"It's really happening, isn't it?"

My head started to spin.

"Oh, Rose." He said, sounding desperate. He was, because we both knew Adrian and Lissa's spell was showing us the truth. And there's nothing either of us could do to change it.

I wanted to run into his arms, to let him comfort me. But I meant what I said before. We couldn't be together. Not now, not ever. He seemed to know that too and merely gave me a sad glance.

"Well," I swallowed, "we'll talk about it tomorrow. I'm tired, Dimitri."

"Good night, Rose."

We departed with my destined words still echoing in my mind.


	3. Something that I can't confess

**Don't own anything. RM does.**

I was sitting on my bed, drinking coffee from a cup I stole from kitchen earlier that morning.

I was still trying to wrap my mind around everything that happened yesterday, and failing miserably. I remembered that once somebody told me that future is very unstable. That even knowing about it can change it. And I wasn't trying to be melodramatic, but I made some connections in my sleep, and I realized that everything I heard, everything I felt, is going to be somewhat painful.

_You love him more than me. _

_You love her more than me._

It meant one thing and one thing only. I'm going to have to choose. Between the love of my life and my best friend whom I've sworn my loyalty and own my life. And I didn't want to choose.

I am going to have to give up to that privilege.

I'm going to walk away.

And this time, I'm going to be mature and not do it in a Hathaway-style. I'm not going to go with a bang.

I'll just slowly disappear, let Dimitri forget me and let him have a life he always wanted. Because I know he wants it. Hell, even I could admit that I would like to have children someday, and I'm just a teenager. He's probably dying to raise a little boy, play with him, teach him all he knows, and protect him and his mother. Mother I will never be.

But one thing bothered me most; I couldn't figure out why the spell didn't work on Mason.

Just as I was finishing packing, I heard a soft knock on the door. Hastily, I got up from the floor I was sitting on and opened it, immediately thinking about closing it when my eyes met the piercing blue ones.

Christian was casually leaning on my door-frame, looking at me with a mixture of mock and boredom.

"How can I help you, Ozera?"

"Well, for start, you could politely invite me in. If polite is somewhere in your dictionary." He smirked. "Which I doubt."

I opened the door wider. "Oh please, be my guest."

He slowly entered my room, looking around. I just figured out he's going to take his time so I sat back on the floor and continued to stuff my shirts into an old bag. After a while, curiosity got the best of me, so I looked up only to find him studying the framed photo of Lissa and me I had on my nightstand.

"Care to enlighten me why did you decide to treat me with your company so early in the morning?"

"Ah, yes!" He sat down on my bed. He just casually sat down on my bed. The level of arrogance that boy had…

"Well?" I asked and shifted on the floor so I was sitting directly in front of him.

"Yeah, what's with you and Belikov?"

My mind blanked.

Blank.

Void.

Idle.

I kept staring at that walking and talking cigarette lighter trying to comprehend whatever he just said to me. And then I realized that I probably look like a deer caught in the headlights, so I put on my confused face, or as close as it could get.

"What do you mean, Firecracker?"

Christian leaned on one elbow so he was half-sitting, half-lying and looked me from above with a risen eyebrow.

"I mean, I am not blind, Hathaway. I see the way guy looks at you. And the way you're blushing and moaning silently every time he looks at you."

"I am not moaning!" I whisper-yelled.

"Fine, maybe you're not, but still. You two don't have that normal student – teacher relationship, and we both know it."

I was stunned. And terrified. And million other things you could name. Yes, we didn't have _that normal student – teacher relationship_ but we never ever gave anything away, we gave nobody any cause to suspect that. Well, maybe Victor, but that was completely another story. Finished story.

And now Christian was sitting in my room and practically just waiting for me to confirm that his suspicions were right.

Christian, of all people.

How could he even suspect something like this?

Like he was reading my mind, he said: "I notice things, remember? I stay silent, blend with the background, but I notice things."

I kept my voice controlled. "I don't know what you're talking about."

He smirked. "Maybe. The way you guys acted yesterday. And those lines we heard, about loving somebody more. It was clear as a Montana night sky. Or whatever metaphor you want to use."

I shook my head. This was not happening.

"Don't be silly. I knew you were crazy, but this has gone to some new level of dementia."

He was still smiling when he stood up and walked towards the door. "Maybe you could fool everyone…" He opened them. "Maybe you could even fool Lissa, I don't know. But remember, we both know that there's no one in this school as similar to you as me. And that means we do, as much as it hurts me to admit, think alike. And that means you can't fool me."

He almost closed the door behind him when he added: "Secrets will eat you alive from the inside, Rose."

I was left there sitting with my eyes widely open and my mind racing. He's bluffing. He must be. And as much as I was trying to make myself believe in that, I couldn't. He was right, secrets will cost me.

I took a big breath while standing up. Well then, good thing I decided to end whatever I had with Dimitri. Soon, there won't be any secrets for me to hide.

When I boarded the jet, I looked around for Lissa, wanting to talk to her. We needed to talk about that show she put up yesterday. I wasn't really surprised to see her sitting with Christian, and they didn't look like they wanted to be interrupted. I couldn't hear their conversation, but he'd put his arm around her and had that relaxed, flirty expression that only she could bring out. I flattered in my step when he lifted his ice blue eyes to look at me, only for a second, and narrowed them slightly. Still, I put on a smile and nodded at them as I passed down the aisle toward where Mason was waving at me.

As I did, I also walked by Dimitri and Tasha sitting together. I smiled at them too, realizing the time has come for me to grow up.

"Hey," I said sliding into the seat beside Mason.

He smiled at me. "Hey. How are you feeling?"

I grimaced. "Still shaken." He had worried expression on his cute face, so I added: "But, ready to kick your ass on that ski slopes."

He laughed and I was immediately relieved. Until I felt soft tapping on the top of my head. I turned to look back and caught Adrian smirking at me.

"Well, hello, Little Dhamphir. How are we today?"

I smiled, half because I wanted to, half because I was just trying to be polite. "Very well, Mister Ivashkov. You?"

"Can't complain." He raised a glass full with brownish liquor and mock-toasted me.

I smiled and turned back around. Adrian sure was something else. Maybe with the help of him, Mason and Eddie I would be able to clear my mind and put my life back together. I've been under stress and negative feelings for too long.

I believe it's time to finally be able to smile just because I want to.

This trip is going to be fun.


	4. We'll never be royals

**Don't own anything. RM does.**

_This trip is going to be fun._

And it was.

I tried to keep reminding myself that we were here because of a tragedy, that there was a war outside, a war that brought together Strigoi and humans, both equally filled with darkness and anger. What was pissing me off the most was the fact that okay; evilness was in Strigoi's nature, it was something they couldn't shut out. But humans were supposed to be on the side of good, right?

That was when I realized that we could all be scared of beasts, but sometimes there's not a dark as black in beasts as it is in humans. And that scared the shit out of me.

Good thing no one else seemed to remember that, though, and I admit, even I was having a difficult time myself when we landed.

The resort was gorgeous. It was built to sort of look like a log cabin, but no pioneer cabin could have held hundreds of people or had such luxury accommodations. Three stories of gleaming, golden-colored wood sat among lofty pine trees. The windows were tall and gracefully arched, tinted for Moroi convenience. Crystal lanterns - electric, but shaped to look like torches - hung around all the entrances, giving the entire building a glittering, almost bejeweled look.

I was barely aware the mountains that were surrounding us. With glistening white caps, like a perfect Disney picture, they were rising from the ground like slumbering giants beneath thick blankets of white. I couldn't wait to see them bathed in the morning light.

Inside, all sorts of arrangements had been made to cater to Moroi needs. Feeders stayed on hand; ready to serve twenty-four hours a day. The slopes ran on a nocturnal schedule. Wards and guardians circled the entire place. Everything a living vampire could want.

The main lobby had a cathedral ceiling and an enormous chandelier hanging over it. Its floor was intricately tiled marble, and the front desk stayed open around the clock, ready to indulge our every need. The rest of the lodge, hallways and lounges, had a red, black, and gold color scheme.

The room I shared with Lissa was bigger than our dorm rooms put together and had the rich blue and golden colors.

Immediately as we walked inside, I throw away my bag and rushed towards the big French doors. They opened on to a spacious balcony, which, considering we were on the top floor would have been cool if not for the fact it was freezing outside. I suspected the two-person hot tub on the far end would go a long way to make up for the cold.

I promised myself to completely take advantage of all this luxury by the end of the trip.

Eddie and Mason came to our doors few hours later, followed by Adrian. After an hour of persuading and, well, blackmailing of sorts, we managed to convince Moroi that the skiing challenge is exactly what we need. So, when Lissa went to fetch her boyfriend and me and guys were left in our apartment, the interrogation has begun.

"Tell me, Little Dhampir," Adrian said while sitting on a fluffy and soft carpet that covered the marble floor. "Where were we yesterday?"

"I believe we stopped discussing that insane spell when Rose promised me we'll run away together." Mason smirked.

I threw away my pillow on him. "I didn't say well run away! I've simply said if I ever get a chance to travel, I'll take you with me."

He pouted but didn't contradict me. I believe he realized that's the best he'll get.

"What else did you hear?" Adrian was back on business.

"I don't even know anymore." I whined. "Something about hesitation, about giving up, about…"

"About helping a girlfriend wins her ex-boyfriend." Eddie finished.

"Oh, yeah, sounds like fun." Adrian mumbled.

"Well, boys, don't wanna be a party-breaker, but, honestly, I don't see a need for this discussion anymore. What's meant to be - will be. I'll just," I said standing up and smiling, "go with the flow, you know."

And I meant what I said. We obviously weren't getting anywhere with this. We could discuss it as much as we want, but there were things I couldn't say to them, Dimitri being one of them. And I had a crazy feeling that most of the lines I heard yesterday were somewhat connected to him. I'm just going to have to figure it out by myself.

Later.

Our group entered the lobby hours. My cheeks were hurting from all that smiling I had today. It felt weird but I realized that I'm still a seventeen year old girl and that I kind of still belong with this people. I managed to avoid Christian as much as I could, which wasn't so suspicious because we didn't actually show any affection towards each other even on a regular basis.

We were in search of food. The dining room was just shutting down dinner, but one of the waitresses let us in. There were a few couples sitting around the dark tables. One of them being Dimitri and Tasha. When she saw us, her face lit up and she waved for us to join them. I smiled to. Dimitri just looked impassive, like always.

"Seems like you had a good time." Tasha commented as we sat next to them.

"Best." Mason mumbled already filling his mouth with food.

"So, I have to inform you, Lissa," Tasha pointed her fork towards my best friend, "you've been invited to luncheon being hosted by the Contas tomorrow."

"Really?" I could feel Lissa's excitement. She could pretend as much as she wants, but I knew that she enjoyed getting ready and mingling with royal snobs in her pretty dresses. She was the last of Dragomirs, and the only one who could restore the family name.

"Yes, really." Tasha chuckled. "And the invitation said you get to bring a guest."

Lissa turned towards Christian who already had a broken look in his eyes. Seeing him look so pained made me smile.

"Liss…"

"You're coming."

"Can I at least, I don't know, check my schedule first?"

I laughed. "Chris, honey, we all know you don't have any obligations or agreements." I said.

He looked at me coolly.

We continued to have dinner after that, Cristian occasionally complaining about tomorrow, Lissa chatting happily with Tasha, and Adrian constantly making moves on me, causing Mason to tighten his grip on the fork from time to time. Dimitri looked alert as always and I couldn't really blame him.

I was returning to our room with Lissa when he stopped us.

"Rose," he said. "Can I talk to you?"

I felt a sympathetic rush of feeling from Lissa. I turned toward Dimitri and stepped off to the side of the room, out of the way of those passing through.

"How are you feeling?"

"Can't complain, Comrade."

"Rose…" He looked at me. Really looked, and I again believed he was the only one who could actually see me.

"No, really, I'm fine. Shaken a bit, but mostly fine."

"Okay. Listen, I was with your mother earlier. We were looking over some new data about the Strigoi in the Drozdov attack."

The Drozdovs. The Badicas. Suddenly, everything that had happened rushed back to me. Anger I felt towards Strigoi, towards humans. And fear.

"What'd you find out?" I asked quietly.

"One of the witnesses did catch one plate number. It's registered to an address in Spokane."

"Spokane?" I asked incredulously. "Spokane, Washington?"

"Exactly."

"Why are you telling me this? I mean, I'm not complaining but I didn't think novices are supposed to be informed about this."

He silently sighed. "Well, you were never an ordinary novice. And I believed you'd want to know this. I know you'll regard this information carefully."

"I will." I promised. I felt so proud of myself in that moment. Dimitri trusted me. And that was all I ever wanted from him.

He returned to the bar later to talk with Tasha and I started walking towards my room once again when Lissa's angry feelings pulled me into her head.

"What do you mean, you don't want to? I believe we agreed about this over the dinner!" She raised her voice. Christian was leaning on the terrace doors in our room, his arms crossed over his chest.

"I am not comfortable around those people, Liss. Take Rose or somebody instead."

Lissa mimicked his position, leaning on the bed frame and crossing her pale arms. "Rose is not comfortable around them either."

He narrowed his eyes. "And still, I don't see you trying to make her to swallow her pride and keep you company, do I?"

"You are my boyfriend!"

"And she's your best friend."

"Are we really going to continue to fight about my relationships with you two?"

He shrugged. "We're not fighting. Believe me; you would know if we did."

"Look, Christian," she tried to calm down a bit and walked to where he was standing. "You, both of you, you are different kind of people than us." She meant to say that like some sort of compliment but it made me slightly angry. By the look Christian wore, it had the same effect on him.

"Then why the hell are you still keeping us around?"

"I…" and she didn't answer. She was taken aback. And I felt that she was just trying to find the right words but Christian didn't.

"Listen, Lissa, I'll be," he made a face while gently pushing her so he could reach the door. "Moping in my room. When you realize what you feel and what you want, you know where you can find me."

I forced myself out of my friend's mind.

I suddenly became even angrier than before. I felt like only one thing was keeping me from completely dashing and falling over the edge. I made a sharp turn before I even reach our hall and went straight to Christian's.

Few moments later, I was trying to beat the crap out of his doors. And I wasn't even sure what I was angry about.

I pushed him and stormed inside.

"What have you done?" I screeched. "You stupid torch, you know she loves you! And now she's all sad and depressed and confused and angry and…" I was waving my hands around, looking like I was trying to fly.

"I doubt that she loves me." He wore a small, sad smile on his face.

"Are you frickin' blind?"

"If she loved me, she would accept me as I am. Not try and turn me into something I despise."

I slumped on his bed, suddenly feeling tired. I expected him to be sarcastic and to answer to my yelling with some more yelling. But the sad vibe he was sending was tiring.

"Look, she's not trying to turn you into anything. It's just a stupid dinner. Nothing over the top."

He slowly sat beside me. We were now both looking at the fire that was burning noisily in the fireplace across the bed. "This time it's just dinner. Soon, it will be dinners, and balls, and meetings. And I'll not be able to stand all that. So, no, I couldn't give up to her. No, simply as that, I won't go with her tomorrow. No, I told her no."

I quickly looked at him.

_No, I told her no._

I was wrong. Dimitri will not tell no to Tasha. Not after I told him I'm okay with her offer.

But some small part of me believed that maybe there was some kind of hope. We could change destiny. Maybe not completely. but maybe we could partially destroy it.

Chills ran through my veins.

Christian continued as nothing happened.

"For the first time, Rose, I told her no. I believed I could be there for her, all the time. But I'm not that strong. I'm too young for this shit."

I was only half listening to him. I had a feeling I was supposed to say something encouraging and try to make him go apologize to Lissa, but I couldn't think of anything to say. I needed to thing about everything, and I needed to relax a bit. So I stood up, and gently squeezed his shoulder.

"If you need anything…" I mumbled and left his room as quickly as possible, without looking back at him.


End file.
